I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
