Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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