Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
