You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
