my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
