know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
