My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
