Pants 0. Shit 1.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
