sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
