He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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