Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
