Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
