from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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