Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
