i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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