I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
