This house was built for laser tag.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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