watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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