im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
