No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
