my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
