I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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