pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
