Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
