Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
