i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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