# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
