I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
