didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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