We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we're making bets on your personal life
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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