Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
