I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
