I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
