If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
so much tequila, so little girl.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
