why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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