Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
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Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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