i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
