Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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