I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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