dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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