you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
