i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
