I want to have your abortion
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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