Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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