it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
