She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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