It was confusing and full of hummus
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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