remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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