Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
