Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
