If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Less talking, more tequila
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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