Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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