That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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