We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You need a sexual gate keeper
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
