The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
well you can't waste a boner
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
