Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
