Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
