I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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