Kareoke will never be a sober sport
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
