it was like eating out sand paper
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
