HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We need to get me chipped asap
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
