Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wish life had little blips of pornography
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
