I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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