I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
