Heybabeimwearingurpanties
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
