I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
