Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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