I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
